Communication is the key

That hasn't just been my status ever since I started using WhatsApp. 😂 It’s pretty much my life philosophy. And, unsurprisingly, a good part of my work revolves around it too.

They say communication can prevent wars and even avert disasters like plane crashes. Okay, okay. I know this is getting preachy and boring.

Lemme tell you an interesting crush story. Ahhh. I know. I caught your attention. 😂

Back in college, we were gearing up to celebrate New Year's Day. We made a whole itinerary: meet at college early, temple, breakfast, garden walk, lunch, movie and then back home. Full-day masterplan. 😂

Suddenly, one of our buddies dropped out.

“Leave me alone,” he said.

I wasn't very happy. Because, you know…I had a hugeeeee crush on him, and obviously I wanted him to hang out with us.

Now, our story. I saw myself as this obese, dark-skinned, not-so-good-looking girl, while he was this charming, fair-skinned, fit-as-a-fiddle young chap.

I was an outright extrovert. He was an ambivert, quiet, but really nice to be around.

I liked him. And I also had this little theory that some of his behaviour meant I was special to him. Ah, young me. 😂

His story was different. He had lost his father as a child and was being raised by his uncle's family. He wasn't particularly happy with them, but he didn't really have a choice. He also carried a lot of insecurity around the things he didn't have, money, comforts, possessions, whatever.

So, back to the New Year's plan.

I declared that I wasn't going to leave him out.

“You're coming with us.”

“Don't do this now. Leave me alone.”

I took him aside.

“Do you have enough money? If not, I'll lend you some. You can pay me back later. Don't be the spoiler now.”

“No, no. That's not the reason. I have money. I'm just not interested.”

“Oh come on! Not this time of the year. If your family is restricting you, I'll talk to them. Shall I call your aunt or your brother and ask for permission?”

“Madhu, please stop this drama now. I said I'm not coming. That's it.”

“Okay, okay. Don't come. But at least tell me why?”

His expression changed. He looked warm and honest and said,

“I'm not interested, buddy. That's all.”

I said okay. But I was convinced there was some hidden reason he wasn't comfortable telling me. The other boys tried cheering him up too, but he wouldn't budge.

And me? I was secretly hoping he'd make a dramatic last-minute appearance. He didn't.

Fast-forward to New Year's Day.

We had decided to meet at college at 7 AM.

By the time people from homes, hostels and suburbs finally arrived, it was… clearly 9 AM. 😂

We went to the temple, had breakfast, walked around, had lunch and followed the plan. Well… most of it.

By lunch, we were exhausted and decided to call it a day.

The next day, we were back in college. And our dear crush-boy suddenly started behaving very coldly with me.

I greeted him. Cold response. Tried talking to him. Same cold face. I assumed he wasn't feeling well.

A couple of days later, the whole outing gang got together to split the bills and share photographs.

Me, being the self-designated accountant, presented the budget and settled everyone's dues. Then someone started showing the photographs and the commentary followed.

“This picture is nice.”

“That location was beautiful.”

“We did this…”

“We did that…”

“What an outing!”

And then one of our buddies, pointing at another girl, said,

“This idiot came late. Otherwise, we would've watched the movie. By the time we finished lunch, it was already 4 PM and we didn't have the mood for a movie.”

And then…lo and behold.

Our crush-boy quietly passed a snide remark that finally solved the mystery I had been carrying around for days:

“If it was 9, even I would've joined. You and your useless plans.”

Aha. Mystery solved.

He hadn't wanted to wake up early. And instead of telling us that, he simply opted out. And apparently, held a tiny grudge against my “useless plans” too. 😂

Now, to be fair, he had pretty bad asthma and congestion and generally avoided getting up early.

Had he simply said: “Guys, 7 AM is too early for me. If you're starting at 9, I'll join.” we probably would've said: “Fine. 9 it is.”

No drama. No mystery. No cold war. No unnecessary assumptions. No missed outing.

Why didn't he say it? Was it ego? Insecurity? Shyness? Discomfort about asking everyone to accommodate him? Or did he simply not think it was important enough to explain? I don't know.

And that's precisely the point. We often don't know what is happening inside another person's head. We only know what they communicate.

And that's where my communication lecture comes back. 😂 But this time, I'm bringing in a surprise guest:

Accountability.

I feel communication is one of the most basic forms of accountability. Do you owe everyone an explanation for everything? You clearly don't.

When someone values you, cares about you, makes space for you, or genuinely wants you in their life, you owe them the basic courtesy of communicating clearly.

You are allowed to have boundaries, preferences, limitations, fears and insecurities. You are allowed to say no. But there's a difference between having a boundary and leaving someone to decode it.

If you care, communicate. Say, “This is what I feel.” Say, “This is the reason.” Say, “I'd be okay with this, but I'm not okay with that.”

That kind of clarity doesn't guarantee that the other person will agree. But it gives both people something far more useful: an opportunity to understand, negotiate and find a way forward.

And that, to me, is where communication becomes a form of respect.

Breadcrumbing, strategic silence, diplomacy, power games, passive aggression… they may sometimes feel like clever ways of navigating relationships. But clear communication usually wins.

It's not just win, it's a win-win.

And sometimes, the cost of not communicating may be a huge fight or a broken relationship. Sometimes, it's simply…missing a day of laughter, photographs and memories with people who wanted you there.

I don't know if he missed hanging out with us, but I can say he really missed all the fun and frolic.

And I know I missed him that day.